How to get on an athlete’s nerves in 15 ways

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You are active. A little. A lot. Like crazy!

It must have happened to you in the past. To be THAT person. The one who lives sport. Sport everything! Haaaaave you met my friend Camille? The one training for a marathon. NO WAY!

Yep! She even eats seeds. Does not drink a sip of alcohol and wakes up at 6am to run. Oh yea, of course she pays for it? A lot.

There you go. Evil! Right here, in front of you. Your portrait has been depicted faster than Bolt runs – or used to – the 100m. Empty looks, weird faces, some kind of mitigated respect but really, REALLY tons of collective question. THere it is, your audience is all eyes on you! Yes, they’ve heard about these crazy people getting up before dawn to run the Paris Marathon. Sometimes they see them running through cars and pollution particles. Maybe they do have Instagram to show off their urban adventures to the world. But now, it is totally different. It is right here, in front of them!

The real homo sportus. Not that random guy at work that brags around after running twice last month. And once, it was dark! Yea right. Nah, we’re talking about the real one, in the flesh

Two scenarii:

1- the emulation created by this event will die as fast as a mayfly? Lets’s face it, you won’t be drinking tonight and you’ll check out every little thing in your plate while making sure not to go over your bed time – which is probably 8pm! Homo Sportus clearly is no fun.

2- you become the center of attention. A little too much. Questions are flying around the room. It’s not easy you can’t catch one. It starts bugging you…

– oh sweet, you’re training for a marathon, 11 miles, right? “hmm no, not really”

– of course you are a runner, your body told me?
“Excuse me, what? Please expain…?”

– wait, so you did not come here running?
“Of course I did, wanna smell my armpits?”

– so, you are paying to run?
“yes indeed. aren’t you paying for the movies?”

– ok i get it, you’re single because you’re training so much?
“hmm no, simply coz I usually eat my date on the second date!!”

– you are unemployed right? I mean, how could you possibly train so much? “shut up!! I’m waking up at 6 am then going back to sleep exactly”


and its funy variation
– you’re so lucky to be able to run. I wish I could, but I do work.
“actually, let me tell you something mozar fukar, there’s no luck in here, it is called organization. And a good alarm ringtone

– so, apart from running, what do you do?
“I fight polar bears, and you?”

– you are vegan as well, right? (ok, I have no explanation for this at all but for some reason, some believe that runner = vegan).
“Yea, that’s why I just order chicken wings ”

– you’re not drinking…you’re no fun.
“I’m funny af okay!! Even if you were to take 10 shots and put this feather duster up in your a$$, I’d still be more fun than you”

– one of my friend did the marathon.
without any training, in 3 hours, what aobut you? “glad to hear, now stfu”

– one of my dad’s colleague runs marathon as well. Eric. Do you know him?
“yea, oh yea! Marathoners are like a big – BIIIIG – family. We all know each other and hug at every race

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– running is really hype right now. That’s why you’re doing right, to look cool?
“it was either this, or being a dumbass, so I do run. What about you?”

– so you’re running in group because you don’t have any friend? “yes, exactly. Eat a donut!”

– wait, so you run a 10K in 48mn. One of my colleague can do it in 23mn.
“oh really? yeaaaa, no!a”

and on top of this, you have this extremely nice person who’s gonna try to be the voice of the reason

– I don’t think you should go for another slice of pizza. I mean, isn’t that bad for your training? “I woke up at 6am today, ran 15 miles and burnt 2500 calories…gimme yours!!!”

If you identify yourself as a home sportus, you must have heard some of these, and many more. Please feel free to share anything you’ve been told in the past. Let’s all share a good laugh on theses regular people’s comments.
Then tell us what would you say if something similar was happening to you?

A propos de l'auteur :

a écrit 233 articles sur le Blog.

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